The Bakers Adventures

3 days to go…

It’s nearly midday, and I’m still in bed. A rare occurrence. Somehow, I’ve dodged a hangover, despite how much fun we had last night. I genuinely couldn’t tell you the last time I stayed up late, let my hair down, and actually wanted to drink. Life is so busy, and rest often feels like a luxury, so to have this moment of indulgence (and a lie-in!) feels rare and much needed.

This year has been a strange one when it comes to my relationship with alcohol. Therapy has taught me to sit with my emotions, not escape them, so drinking for the sake of it hasn’t really been on my radar. I’ve had long stretches of not drinking at all, not out of any moral decision, but because it just hasn’t felt necessary. There’s something freeing about not needing a glass of wine in hand to feel comfortable in a room. I even talked to Dan recently about giving it up completely for a year, not because it would be hard, but because I think it would be easy for me.

That said, I don’t feel like I need to make it a big thing. With the right people, in the right settings, I genuinely enjoy a drink or two, especially when it’s about connection and celebration rather than escape.

Dan’s relationship with alcohol couldn’t be more different. He loves a drink, but it’s purely about the joy of it. Connecting with people, sharing laughs, and creating memories. He’s the same fun, flamboyant, entertaining person whether he’s drinking or not. Last night, watching him in his element… dancing, joking, and bringing smiles to everyone around him. I couldn’t help but feel so proud. He’s magnetic, and the way people gravitate toward him reminds me how lucky I am to have him.

This trip has been a reminder of how far I’ve come this year, especially when it comes to my attachment style. I’ve always been more anxious in relationships, constantly worrying about rejection or overthinking everything. But this year has been about creating a secure foundation for myself and my relationships. The difference is incredible. Even this trip to Dublin has shown me how much I’ve grown.

Dublin is a special place for me. I was born here but didn’t reconnect with my roots until later in life as my Mum fled us back to England when I was just over a year. Since finding my family as an adult, it’s been a beautiful journey of building relationships and finally feeling that sense of belonging. But for a long time, the idea of bumping into my biological father here would fill me with dread. He’s been absent my whole life (which some would say is a small blessing) and while I used to hope he’d one day realise what a gift I am and become a better person… I’ve made peace with the fact that he’s failed as a father (and as a basic decent human).

This trip, though, something shifted. I felt calm. Even with the possibility of seeing him, there was no fear, no longing…just peace. I know that’s the result of the work I’ve done on myself, and I’m sooo proud of that progress.

Dan knows how much Dublin fills my cup. He even said last night, I get it. It’s so wholesome. Whether it’s being surrounded by family who remind me where I come from and are just as mad as me or just the pure joy of Irish culture, it’s my place of belonging. He knew this trip, especially with everything coming up, was exactly what I needed.

Last night wasn’t just about fun; it was about connection. We FaceTimed the girls, and seeing them happy and comfortable with us being away made us both feel reassured. Mum has been amazing with them, and it’s given us the space to just be. The moments Dan and I shared last night….laughing, dancing, and even a few glassy-eyed cuddles, were everything.

We travel home tomorrow, and as much as I’m trying to push away the thoughts of what’s coming, I’m focusing on what’s here right now. Today, it’s an Irish breakfast (because nothing beats it) and a tour of the Guinness Storehouse. This trip has been exactly what I needed: time to laugh, reconnect, and soak up the love and joy this city brings me.

Next stop: Guinness and gratitude.