The Bakers Adventures

It feels like he’s been gone forever, even though it’s not even been a week. His side of the bed already doesn’t smell like him, and his clothes, once rotating endlessly between the laundry and radiator, are slowly disappearing back into his cupboard. I caught myself sniffing one of his jumpers earlier like some lovesick teenager with a crush. HAHA! Honestly, scents are so important to me. Call me on the spectrum… because, well, it true.

Today, I had back-to-back Christmas photo sessions featuring the big man himself. My mother-in-law swooped in like a festive fairy godmother, keeping the girls entertained happily while I jingled bells and played Christmas tunes on repeat. Usually, by shoot four, I’m ready to toss the tinsel, but today felt different. Maybe because all the families were regulars who’ve become more like friends. That connection gave me the energy I didn’t know I had.

I’ve been so busy that I don’t have time to properly miss Dan… or at least admit how much I really do. When I get a moment to think about it, I feel a deep ache in my stomach that I quickly push away. Thankfully, the chaos of life.. the house, the dog, the kids, doesn’t let it linger either.

Tonight, I caved and took the girls for a carvery because, let’s be honest, cooking isn’t my forte. I will work on it… I’ve promised myself I’ll use this time to build confidence in the kitchen… but tonight was not that night. A roast felt like the next best thing, though sitting there without Dan felt strange. I caught myself thinking people might be looking at me, the lone mum, like I needed special treatment (the staff were suspiciously attentive, haha).

Back home, I was roped into an impromptu music video production for Daily Dose of “3 leaf clovers” that required far too many retakes but left us in fits of laughter. In those moments, watching the girls’ bellies shake as they laughed, I felt a wave of relief. They’re going to be OK. Yes, there were a few tears earlier in the day (and my firm mum voice made its first appearance since Dan left…), but they’re adjusting, and so am I. Bedtime was hectic as hell. They were literally bouncing off the walls. It shows how well the weekly routine works as a day off from if and things felt a lot more of a challenge. Note to self: Routine is the key.

Meanwhile, poor Dan is battling an ear infection and struggling to find a doctor in Kenya. Every message he sent today broke my heart a little more. It’s hard knowing he’s unwell and so far from home, and it’s a stark reminder of how fortunate we are to have access to healthcare here. Fingers crossed, the antibiotics he finally sourced kick in soon.

For now, it’s day by day… moment by moment. There are far more highs than lows, and that’s all I can ask for.