The Bakers Adventures

Tomorrow I turn 33.

And as always, the birthday blues have made their quiet entrance…

Birthdays have never been just a day for me. There’s something about this moment.. standing at the edge of a new age that makes me spiral. What have I overcome this year? Who am I now? Why do I still forget to take the washing out of the machine until it smells?

But this year… this year is layered.

Because tomorrow marks the first birthday in 12 years that Dan and I won’t be together.
He’s in Kenya. I’m here.

And even though I’m genuinely proud of us.. of the sacrifices we’re making and the life we’re building.. there’s an ache I can’t deny.

I’ve tried to explain it to friends, to say how much I miss him, but the moment I go to speak, that lump in my throat creeps in… and I cut myself off before I let it swallow me whole.

Not because I don’t want to feel it. I just don’t have the space right now for a full emotional unravelling. (There are lunch boxes to pack. Kids to wake up. Clients to reply to. A dog who needs walking. You know. Life.)

Still, despite the missing piece, I feel something else just as strong..

Gratitude. So much of it.

This year has brought me closer to myself. Not in a loud, dramatic way.. but in the quiet choices I keep making.

I’ve been showing up for myself.
Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when no one else sees it.
Saying no. Saying yes. Saying maybe, but not right now.
Creating space for growth… and rest. (A new one for me.)
Drinking more water. Feeling proud of my body, not just critiquing it. Making time for the deep work. And making room for the softness too.

I’ve made so many new friendships this year.
Some beautifully unexpected. Others slowly unfolding. But I’ve also found myself drawn closer than ever to the people I connect with deeply. The ones who don’t need performance or perfect. The ones who hold space when I’m messy, inconsistent, tired, or wired. I feel so lucky for that.. for them. For all the versions of friendship that have held me steady this year.

So what do I want from 33…

Slowness. The kind that makes you notice things again. Like your kids’ freckles. Or the sound of your own breath when the house is still.

Adventure. Not just the tick-it-off-a-list kind. (Although this will be absolutely happening) but the soul kind. The kind that opens you back up. Kenya will help. Less tech. Less noise. More life in real time. More barefoot mornings. More sun on my face instead of a screen.

Bravery. To keep choosing the path that’s right for me, even when it doesn’t look like anyone else’s. To let go of control. To say no to pressure. To not apologise for needing space, silence, solitude or support.

Connection. To Dan. To my girls. To old friends and new ones. To my body. To joy. To moments that actually matter.

So here I am. Birthday Eve. Luteal. Teary. Reflective.
But proud.

Of the woman I am. The one I’m becoming. The one who keeps showing up.. tired but present.
A little more honest. A little more hopeful.
A little more me.

Love,
Sophie x